Molly Memories Throwback

Tonight is a Molly night. There won’t be much to report on this, the experience is consistent and I have been doing it since I was 14. My favorite part is always the nystagmus, and my least favorite is when I find I have cannibalized the inside of my mouth. Let’s travel back in time though, shall we?

me as a young(er) rave fairy 🧚🏼‍♀️

I first found raves while nursing my first heartbreak at 14 years old. I haven’t been to any in many years. They aren’t what they used to be. When I first began going they were all underground in abandoned warehouses with the added thrill of being busted and extra effort to set up and coordinate that entails. To even hear about it was like this secret social spiderweb of connections, flyers circulating silently like passing notes under your teacher’s nose in class. In those days we called MDMA “ecstasy” and oh my god it was.

I remember the first time I rolled I danced for 8 hours straight and could feel the magnetic pull of love and magic all around me. I received the nickname “Roxy” that night after the famous dance club from the 80’s. I always bounced over to anyone who was quiet and still with a peppy “hiya!” & tried to pull them into the magic.

PLUR was the mantra; the code; the vibe of that environment. PEACE LOVE UNITY RESPECT. It may sound like naïveté or my positive outlook but I swear at those raves you could take free drugs from strangers without risk and they’d pass them out like candy and there wasn’t any seedy dangerous things happening. We were there to love and feel loved and dance in our fairy wings, with pacifiers in our mouths attached to beaded necklaces.  I had found the true utopia my heart had longed for. Words can’t do it justice. It was like love and hearts swelling in sync to jungle beats.

By the time I was 15 they started to commercialize. The abandoned warehouse thing persisted only they actually rented it so the only risk was a drug raid by cops. The benefit was an upgrade to lights, sound, and environment. There were chill rooms with couches and more calm vibes and multiple DJ’s in different sections providing options for experiences in various areas. I remember there was this one series of parties named “Flavor” parties … they had very official full color bifold flyers now; in the shape of the theme du jour… complete with the cutest little scratch and sniff sticker. I still see them in my mind vividly. Flavor 6: The peppermint patty party. Flavor 7: Chiquita banana party. It was really cute. I didn’t know it was the beginning of the end of party purity. But many a utopia eventually becomes dystopian, much to the heartbreak of my little dancing fairy self. I wish you all could have experienced the beauty.